Tag Archives: inspirational

Needing validation

Needing validation is like breathing; it’s something we all do.  As artists it’s important to have someone say, “what a great painting,” or “I love your art” or “your art gives me a good feeling.”

We love comments like that whether they are honest or not. Validation makes your work worthwhile.

However, if you sense the compliments are not sincere, you start doubting your talent (again.) I assume we come from a place of doubting the art all the time. I know I do, except for a few times when I truly KNEW the paintings were great.

needing validation
validation

How does it all start?

As kids we had to find out if what we made was any good. I remember showing drawings to my dad, and thank goodness, he always said they were nice. I still remember that.

But I also remember the bullies in school who always tried to tear you down, especially if you’d done something good, like gotten an A on a test, created a beautiful painting or broken a school record of some sort.

To seek validation is like making sure we are alive.

If we didn’t get any validation who’s to say we even exist, right?

That’s a pretty deep question, but one place were we can find true validation is within. You can validate your worthiness through whatever physical aspect you use to express. Worthiness is a feeling inside.

When you feel good about something you did, that’s validation enough.

We are social creatures but do we need the false compliments that people hand out to be “nice?” I say thank you for every compliment, false or true. I’m not going to confront someone about their honesty.

So how do you get to a point where inner validation is enough?

You have to learn to trust yourself.

Trust is a sense that was beaten out of us since childhood. “Trust no one.” I remember I learned to keep secrets so as not to be punished I was four years old. It didn’t get any better through life until I realized I have give myself the gift of trust.

If I trust in me, I can trust the world. The secret is to grow the trust within so that the games of the world do not affect you.

Trust, like worthiness, is a soul feeling.

I have learned to trust more through forgiving others and most of all, myself, for having a low opinion of myself.

Make a list of people you need to forgive today. Truly forgive them for all they have done to you, and ask for forgiveness for your stuff. This can be done in silence, but you need to be sincere.

Life is so much easier, brighter, and filled with possibilities when the burden of guilt and shame is gone.

Through inner trust you can find true validation.

Forgive yourself for art that didn’t work out and try again, and again. Life is a journey, art a process.

Life itself is validation enough.

Fear and mistrust go hand in hand. I have another blog post that takes this further, What do you fear?

Make something fun today!

xo

Maria

P.S My etsy shop is stocked to the brim. 🙂 Sale coming up SOON! EarthandFaery

Your gremlins

Your gremlins will always be around to sneak through the crack in your door. I’m talking about the “I am not good enough,” “I don’t have time,” “I can’t afford,” “I don’t know enough,” “I don’t know how…”  “I’m too old.”

You get the picture. Some of them are stronger and some are cunning. They are all opportunists and freeloaders, and persistent like sales people on commission.  They lie in wait…

crocodiles

You know they are there, so what to do?

They all stem from fear of course.  I wrote a blog post about that: What do you fear?

Every time you set a goal or set an intention to change your lifestyle in any way, the gremlins will show up like clockwork. Let’s look at the “I’m not good enough.”

Unless you have massive experience or a PhD, it’s likely you don’t know enough about something like astrophysics, but maybe you could get excited about a telescope and the stars?

Most people don’t know a huge amount of stuff, but they might know an angle that is unique.

Maybe you came across an artist making these great teapots and you are filled with a burning desire to learn how to make them and perhaps start a ceramic biz.

To start something like that you do need some classes, a lot of them maybe, but if you love it, go for it! At some point YOU WILL BE good enough and have fun in the process.

What if you have life experience? What can you teach people from your own experiences? Lots, I’m sure. People in similar circumstances want to know. People are always looking for solutions to problems.

If you have a passion and you have done nothing about it, why? We will always doubt ourselves, but once we roll up our sleeves and go for it, we find that the gremlin trying to stop us is only hot air.

courage

Once you make the decision to start the journey, the momentum of you applying yourself daily will take you to the heart of your passion. That is the law of nature.

I meet so many wannabe artists, but the first excuse coming out of their mouth is a clear indication the gremlins have a strong hold.  The “I don’t have time” or “I don’t have the right tools” or “I don’t know how,” are the most common. I know that they will never even try!

The status quo has a massive hold on us.

Don’t let the gremlins rule! Whatever your dream, don’t end up old and full of regrets. It’s never too late to start something new. If you’re breathing you can do something today.

Listen to that yearning, the little longing voice that makes you think of THAT thing you never did anything about.

Today is a good day to start! Do it even if the gremlins are screaming bloody murder…

xo

Maria

P.S. I went crazy this week and loaded up my etsy shop with new juicy art journals and a fairy pouch or two. EARTHANDFAERY.

 

Doormat syndrome.

Doormat syndrome, have you suffered from that as a woman (or man?)

I have at times. I had two relationships that were “their way or no way.” I’d say it’s common to submit to others to keep the peace.

doormat
doormat

For a time, anyone was welcome to step on me and make me do their bidding, cause it was “nice” to help others, no matter what.

No more.

Yesterday, I had two conversations with women having trouble standing up for themselves, as if saying “no” is not nice or not supportive. We as women are raised to be supportive and submissive. I say, to heck with that!!!

There is a limit to what is expected of us. If it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it! If you don’t WANT to do something, don’t do it. If someone is clingy, hogs your time, drains your energy, just excuse yourself and remove yourself from that person. Know your limits! That is SELF RESPECT. You have the right to stand in your power, always.

Someone might snigger at those words, but the longer we stay in a submissive stance to others, the less we can pursue our dreams because someone will always step on them. That is part of the scenario of being a doormat. Make better choices.

  • It’s okay to be your own person.
  • It’s okay to have dreams.
  • It’s okay to be an artist if you want to.
  • It’s okay to make others mad if you are protecting what you know is right for you.
  • It’s okay to have time for yourself.
  • It’s okay to be a role model for strength.

I have lost friends over that last statement, and I don’t have to be RIGHT, but I can choose what works in my life and ditch the rest.

So many women I know put everyone else’s dreams and desires before their own. When are you going to realize your own strengths if you deny your power as a person? Say you fall down dead and realize you did nothing to pursue what fired up your soul.  That would totally suck in my opinion.

To be an artist matters. Your voice matters, your art matters. Your expression in the world is very important so if you have something to say or paint, do it.  As they say, life is short.

The greatest excuse I hear is: I have to be there for my children.  Yes, of course you do, but you also have a responsibility to yourself.

Make your children badass and confident as you grow yourself stronger.

strong children
Children who are not doormats

Allow yourself to choose YOU.  Your children will learn from you. Do you want them to become doormats? I didn’t think so.

Maybe you wonder why I post many motivational posts instead of artist stuff?  Being an artist requires becoming the whole you. I’m working on that, and my art expression is a journey that changes all the time.  Art has helped me to be strong.  So maybe it’s better to inspire people to be strong than add a bunch of art how-tos. I decided I can do both. 🙂

So can you! Dive in and be the GREAT You now. If people stand in your way, you deserve better. Work around them or get rid of them.

You are enough!

With lots of love,

Maria

P.S. Sidebar note. I have a sale going on for my art journal how-to e-course. ONLY $15 until October 26. CLICK THIS LINK. Create something today! Get involved.

New art in my etsy shop.

Buddha abstract
New art in my etsy shop