I know I’m my own worst enemy… It baffles me that I can’t seem to get where I want to get with my life. Not that my life is bad in any way, but I’ve been working on making art my main career, something that truly comes from my heart. I know I can help people to find an added dimension to their lives with art. Non-artists might poo-poo the idea, but once you start playing with art supplies a whole new world opens up, guaranteed, whether you ever considered yourself art talented or not. Children don’t question their ability to create, not for one second. Not until they are told by others that they have to focus on serious things to get good jobs. Art is something we dabble in when the mood strikes. It’s a frivolous thing…. not!
I grew up with the concept you can’t make money from art, and you have to get a decent job to make your way in this world. True, in some ways, but you sell your soul along the way, unless you’re doing something you love. Most people hate what they do, and I don’t want to fall into that trap again.
I have decided (something I have to re-decide every day) is to fully follow my heart. My heart has held steady over the years even if I have meandered from this to that over two continents, mostly hating my jobs–except my writing career, but that’s another story.
This decision is not a New Year’s resolution; it’s a decision that sits in my bones now. It’s kind of a life or death situation… my choice.
When I got really firm about pursuing this goal all the way, all hell broke lose financially. Out of the blue I lost one income, and then I had to have a big rotting tree removed from the yard. It ain’t cheap! Then my computer croaked, my main artery to uploading my art tutorials and such. Learning Windows 10 now… Anyway, those expenses pulled up the old patterns like clockwork. To pay for this, you have to get a job right away. I’m a responsible person, but fearful thinking sucks.
BUT, if I stand my ground and make this goal a “MUST” the universe will yield and my pattern will break. Believe me, I have been working on breaking that pattern for years. Fear is a wondrous, useless thing, and it’s bone deep too, but I have a streak of stubbornness.
Through this somewhat painful journey (at times) I have felt totally alone. However, that has helped shift my focus to wholly rely on my inner self and not seek (or gotten) support from others. It’s a lonely path, but wasn’t the Hero’s journey a lonely one as well?
To accomplish something worthwhile it’s sometimes necessary to strip away all the fluff and the distractions, all the excuses, and all the opinions of others (who aren’t REALLY there.) They can’t be. Everyone lives in their own bubble.
I’ve been creating some art tutorials and art e-courses and I love every minute of it! Full commitment is the only thing that will gain any kind of solid result. It might not be monetary, but it will certainly be fulfilling. So, even if January kicked my butt, I brushed the dust off and by gum, I will never give up living my life doing what I love!
What do you love doing the most? Leave a comment if you feel so inspired.
P.S. I have a four week e-course going right now. We’re in week 1 so far. It’s called Art As Oracle and it combines art making and doing an intuitive reading for yourself via the art. Art As Oracle. $49
6 thoughts on “You are your own worst enemy.”
Thank you for all you share, Maria! I needed these words myself right now.
I love your words, I love your work (art) and I love you!
Aw, Sandy, thank you! I’m glad I inspire you and others. Sometimes I don’t know. I love you too. 🙂
I know you don’t hear it often enough, but know it’s being received and appreciated! I hope to be more supportive in the near future, you deserve it. <3
Awww, you are a gem, Sandy! You know me, plugging away at the things I love.
thanks for your candor and determinator!!!
Thank you Kristen! 🙂
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